Day 16: A-Wear

Day 16: A-Wear

"Raise your (virtual) hand if you are wearing something today that you don't love, doesn't fit or feel good?

Yes, including underwear.

What just went through your mind just now?

Is it possible to allow the squirmy-ness - of judgment, guilt, embarrassment, shame - to simply arise without doing anything to fix or manage it?"


My clothes fit well and are comfortable. I love this lavender sweater which is also getting a little big as I lose weight. 

I love my new handcrafted felt shoes. 

 I am aware of my hair being messy and my head feeling slight uncomfortable pressures. It occurs to me that brushing it might make me feel better. :)

What goes through my mind now is I have most of my clothes lying on the floor from attempting a sort over the past almost MONTH! I pick it up and start again, then I stop. I have not carved out the space and adequate time to do this. That my clothes are currently comfy is maybe because I've set aside clothes I don't love or need (or are have become too big!) in the Goodwill bag.... which is sitting near the door downstairs! :[

The parental voice in my head says, "Why does it take you so long? You have a serious problem not getting to finishing what you started. You spent money on programs to help you get organized, and look what you do! You're regressing! You grew up cleaning house in our farm family of 13 kids. Why don't you do what you know how to do! YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER!"

The child self resists more and more going off into her digital world as the adult self festers and tries not to be so overbearing. But the adult really wants the child to grow up and have a good life because she has so much potential.

Will they talk, will they work together?

While I hand journal (in a lovely handmade journal!)I have entered my journalings into a blog I created where I like to keep all my writings together in one place and post photos or images. I invite you to look if that is helpful and might find yourself in it and/or contribute comments. http://enliveningenvironmentseverywhere.blogspot.com/2016/01/day-16-wear.html. In editing the photo (of me in my comfy felt shoes, I would normally cut out the clutter you see here, but for these purposes I leave it--the loose papers and undealt with boxes on my shelf....in the spirit of not fixing anything, and just letting it all hang out and not try to "look good". :)

I'm curious if others are blogging in this way and/or what digital systems of journaling you may use.

Day 15: Three Rs of Clearing

 Day 15: Three Rs of Clearing

"If I had to summarize in three words the essence of the clearing path as I've experienced it, it would be these: raise, release, reveal."-Your Spacious Self

"Clearing raises awareness. Clearing releases attachments. Clearing reveals a spacious part that has been there all along.
Any questions?
The theme for this week is "Cultivating Awareness."

I'm drawing a blank. Maybe because I have gotten out of my daily routine of clearing. I am already aware how my clutter stops me. I wonder if I'm spending more time reading all these comments, over doing the actual work of clearing. I have been in maintenance mode, rather than wiping out whole areas and being rigorous in ridding my space of cluttering things. I mentioned previously I've created cocoons of space I can step into, like my studio and my kitchen. And in my intentional clearing processes, over the past few years, I remember the radical transformation and magic from clearing. I realize how much I let myself get distracted and then I beat myself up. When am I going to get it?? Ahhh! Old habits and going unconscious return. As I am about to turn in for the evening, I hope for releasing my attachments to how I'm doing, surrendering to rest and the sun coming up for another day.

Day 14: Check In � Inviting Awareness

 Day 14: Check In � Inviting Awareness

"The focus this week was to begin the process of shifting out of "doing" mode into "being" (more of a witness) mode.
When we slowly "drip" compassionate awareness into any resisting pattern, or contraction, we create a tiny peephole of space that wasn't there before. This peephole becomes larger over time and opens up to a universe full of possibilities beyond our wildest imaginings.
What is your peephole revealing? What changes are you aware of after this second week?"

As I become aware, I become gut honest with myself--all my reoccurring patterns, as well as to see my progress. I become aware of my senses and my reactions, how I judge and clam up. And in noticing this, I develop compassion for myself and lightheartedness; gratefulness as well.

I haven't done a lot of clearing away. I have eased up a bit on judging myself for not having made more progress as I touch in on the forces that keep me stuck. What I am aware of are these containers of space where I exist. I feel more contentment in my kitchen and in my studio. I've shifted the way I handle the things that make up the space.

I am actually getting a peephole into developing my new life path and services I offer.

Day 13, Feel it all

Day 13, Feel it all

"The best way to release what isn't working for you is to enter that sometimes scary zone called feeling.
Feeling the overwhelm, resistance, attachment, guilt, despair, shame�
Feeling it all without judging it as good or bad, or taking it personally.
What are you feeling right this second? Is it possible to take one step back and observe what you're feeling?"

I'm feeling gratitude for my cats, my familiars. Catness likes to sit as my loyal guardian as I sit at my desk writing. Shalna likes to cuddle in bed with us.

As I take one step back and observe, I am aware of having created containers of place and time in my journey of space clearing and organization over the past few years. They are like protective auras or cocoons surrounding meas I focus on the task or practice at hand.

I am aware of the list I made today which is looking at what I resist and facing it directly. Period.

Then I become aware of my chattering mind that wants to divert my attention to something to google that came up in my mind. So what comes up is being distracted by minutia. Right now, the smell of bacon that my husband just fixed reminds me that I haven't had my green drink yet.

Back in the saddle having had my green drink. Right now, I'm about to meet my walking partner.

All these thoughts. Maybe I'll post at the end of the evening what I got.

Coming back later in the day today.

I created more areas of workability in my kitchen and my studio.

I had the opportunity to face directly what I am resisting. It came up in the sensation of pain flaring up in my right hip, a common occurrence for me.  I have also developed over the years a unique movement-massage therapy approach that irons out this problem. I have helped people and myself over the years with this. I have stalled from going the next step in putting this out there in a class. By intentionally creating a clear space in my studio, it provided a safe space for me to let go.

Day 12: Look Up

Day 12: Look Up
"Look up from this screen for a moment and scan the room you're in. What is one thing of beauty that calls your attention?"






The light shining on the East wall (shining on shoe racks I've been indecisive about) leads me to where it's coming from...
 --to the window of the door that shows me the sun about to set on this first day of the new year.

I am drawn to go for a walk as the sun sinks below a horizon turning a subtle salmon color.

 As I walk, I feel the tingling of the first feelings of winter's late arrival, a kind of refreshing slap in the face I welcome, a secure sense of the rightness of the four seasons that I've been used to, living in the Midwest. Thankful that the wonkiness of not-quite-winter has yielded to the briskness of this gift of a fresh start--for sharp focus to create, fulfill and dive deep this winter. On the horizon are new levels of clearing away and what it reveals. I welcome this new rhythm, this new pace, this new realm.

Day 11: What is Awareness?

"Awareness, as it relates to clearing in this course, is the ability to tune into and observe an experience with the five primary senses (smell, taste, touch, hearing, sight) and the sixth sense of inner knowing - in present time.

Feeling and witnessing a task or a stressful situation in the present moment does a magical thing: it releases stuck energy, quiets the mind, helps us detach more easily, and creates openings that weren't there before."


Today's lesson is an invitation rather than a "to do" to get out and practice it! Looking at clearing my space as an invitation rather than a dreaded obligation or a sense of overwhelm and then avoidance. Because it is in looking at the dread or overwhelm or avoidance, I get to tune into my senses as well.

Right now, as I notice that reaction, I smell the lovely lavender lingering on me somewhere, I taste the slight and pleasant aftertaste of a green smoothie I just had, I'm touching this cold keyboard on a cool overcast damp day, I hear the chimes in the wind, and I see before me my altar I created on my deep windowsill, sparkling subtly, realizing that I created this altar a few weeks ago as a way to clarify my intentions for the coming year.

I then can start to relate with gratitude for the home that shelters me and all of its contents and ask myself, why wouldn't I want to care for it and clear away the clutter. It has provided me with so much. Or, what if I took on being curious about my piles? Hah! Look at that curious little sculpture of willy nilly papers mixed in with some whatnot! How can I reassemble this? Hmmmmm. When I can look at my home space as an emerging sculpture that also functions for my life, I can get real creative and make it fun.

So on this last day of the year, I'm inspired to honor my space and it's contents, thank it and sweep away what's in the way and create clear pathways for the new year to come in. Then by tomorrow in the new year, I will set my intentions that I have been crafting and place them on by Abundance gua to give a charge to the year!

Day 10: Nothing to Do

Okay, this may be a spoiler for some of you if you have not reached Day 10. Or it may give those who want to get ahead on the days a glimpse into what's coming up (for better or worse!)

What is key for me in this exercise is that awareness is everything. It naturally causes a shift. No forcing, just observing. This is the source of causing deep change.

Day 10: Nothing to Do

What are you feeling right this second? Nothing to do but notice and allow all sensations to arise - without doing anything to fix or change them.

Are you aware of any sensations moving through your body?

Earlier when I did this exercise, I felt jaggedness, unevenness and chatter in my head. So I did yoga (and I was critical of the yoga teachers style on the video!) and still as I came back to this exercise here, I now feel even keel energy. Then a fluctuation into warm tears of gratitude for my family.

Your hands: are they hot? Cold? Prickly? Tingly?

My usually warm hands are a little cool on this overcast day, after days of rain and clouds. I am remembering burning my fingertips last night on a hot pan because I wasn't being aware and in the moment. So I realize I have trauma in my hands and why they are cooler than usual. As I bring all this into awareness, my hands start to warm up.

How's your breathing? Is it shallow, or deep? Is it tight or relaxed?

When I tune into my breath, it seems I am barely breathing. So then the little voice starts to judge and says BREATHE! I don't like that nazi voice telling me what to do! But when I notice that is how I perceive it, then I choose to take a deep breath like it is the most glorious gift I could receive!